Saturday, March 6, 2010
Birth of a Blog
In the immortal words of Pat Benatar, "Love is a battlefield". This battle has intrigued me after kissing phillip White in preschool and having him never speak to me again. Where did I go wrong. I'm sure you have had experiences like these and I am now making it my life's work to help others avoid the same fate. And what better way to share my knowledge and experiences than through a blog! But don't think of it as merely a blog, but more your virtual date doctor, your go-to place. Disclaimer and apology in advance - when being told the hard, cold truth human nature kicks in and wants to get mean and nasty. If you don't like what I have to say, please intelligently debate instead of stupidly bash. Now that's out of the way, any advice you need or questions you have feel safe and free to ask. The Doctor is in :}
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So, I met this girl 3 months ago on LDSSINGLES.com and I think she is the one for me. I have never felt this way about any girl as I have about this one. We don't live in the same state and we skype every night and when we do, my heart just bursts with love for her. I would die for her. I would move to a podunk town and work my butt off for her. I love the facebook messages she sends me and I can't get enough of her text messages. I prayed and God told me to marry her. I only make $1,000 a month at my dead end job and I am kind of a jerk. What do I do?
ReplyDeleteHey Date Doctress, i am stuck in a little bit of a pickle. I'm too scared to approach girls because well.....i have this fear they are going to reject me with their eyes. It's sounds stupid i know, but that's my problem. Girls scare me. When i was a boy about 5 years old, there was this girl that stabbed me with a fork, so ever since then i have been scared to even talk to a girl!! that is for real, not making that up. So please date doctress, help me out, i am so confused. What should i do!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDear Hesitant,
ReplyDeleteFrom what I can tell of your situation I can see it going two different ways. The first being A)You move to be with this girl, she's even better in person, you find a great job to provide for her and you live happily ever after. Or B) You move for this girl, it doesn't work out and you are left broken hearted. I actually do have a friend who is currently engaged to a girl he met through ldssingles.com who earns a meager living and they seem pretty happy. If you feel you God has given you the green light to move and marry this girl, then do it! Have faith, plan carefully and practice from frugal living.
However, I do see a few red flags that do concern me. Before making any drastic changes, be honest with yourself...have you been able to be yourself with her? And have you been able to spend some actual physical time together? If not I would recommend doing so. Love is about being able to see the worst in each other, work through it and still want no one else at the end of the day. My husband knew I was the one for him when he saw me vomit all night due to a nasty case of the stomach flu. Do you really want to try to hide? How exhausting! You never know, she may like a bit of a challenge :}
Lastly, I want you to honestly answer this question - are your feelings for this girl about your heart or about an escape from a life less than ideal?
Well I hope this can help you find some clarity. Let me know how this works out!
<3 D.D.
Dear Scared Stiff,
ReplyDeleteLucky for you not too many girls carry forks in their purses these days (unless you're me, who's constantly on the go). Your self sabotage is not uncommon, but quite a pesky problem I run into often. I think the saddest thing I find about your situation is by avoiding girls altogether, you're the one who is doing the rejecting not them. You're not even giving them a chance.
As far as approaching girls I find being observant and using humor is the easiest way to make a connection. Since you are the nervous type, hold off before making a move. If she's reading a book, ask what it's about or why she's reading it. Crack a joke to get her to smile and smile yourself. Whatever you do make sure it's comfortable for you and you do it with a genuine interest in her. Even if the hottest guy came onto to me, if he was more concerned with himself I'd make a be-line for the door. Find what you think is your best quality and work with it. If you're smart, teach her something new. If you're musical, discuss your favorite song at the moment. Just be YOU!
Now take a deep breath and try not to flinch at the sight of utinsels. Good luck!
I guess it never posted the other day for some reason but I need to help you fix your picture. It may involve fixing your template. Come over after work one day and I help. Good job on the blog. And have fun with it.
ReplyDeleteDear date doctress, me and this girl have been dating for over 2 months, and everytime we are together it is great! But there is two problems, 30 minutes into making one of two things happens, either I get "excited" or she breathes on me with her bad breath and we are done!! It may seem like a little problem, but it is fudging up my love life! I'm two afraid of one of those two things to happen, or to talk to her about it! So please help me date doctress, i am desperate. I am really turned off by bad breath by the way.
ReplyDeleteDear Date Doctress,
ReplyDeleteYou can refer to me as KB so that I know when you're addressing me. So in high school I dated this guy (we'll call him Riley)I had a great time with him and thought I was falling in love and it scared me because I was to young to be stuck with one guy. So I broke up with him a little bit before college not to mention that my parents were pushing for me to break up with him as well. While I was in college I dated a ton of guys and started to fall in love with a couple guys but nothing ever compared to how things were with Riley and how much he cared about me and how much he showed it to me. And I always missed him. 3 years later after Riley and I had broken up, he went on a mission and somehow we started writing very casually to each other a year into his mission. Finally it was time for him to come home and I was home too being graduated from college. I was excited to see him. I had missed him but was sure we wouldn't get back together because I never date the same guy twice. Well he came to see me a week and a half after he got home and our feelings for each other were right back where we left off in high school. Things started moving fast and better than in high school because we were older and more ready. I fell in love with him all over again and felt differently about him than any other guy I had dated. It was amazing. Now here's the hitch... My parents can't stand him. And are trying to keep us apart at all cost. Their high concern over the matter scares me and is confusing me on how a I really feel about him. Their over powering concern about Riley and I being together mixes up all my emotions. Now my parents have come to the point that I have to choose him or my family. Everyone else I know sees what a great guy he is... but my parents don't.
So I hope that I didn't confuse you and hope you can understand. I don't know what to do. I don't know if it's worth running away with him. I don't know how to feel this situation out. I feel like I have no room to breath. I don't know how to find out if he's worth all this. I do really love him though. I know that.
What would you do? Thank you for your time.
-KB-
Dearest Torn,
ReplyDeleteFrom what I can tell, you are more invested in the physical aspect of this relationship. If that be the case follow your nose to another girl with better hygiene. Now if you actually dig her there is a tactful way to go about this. Stock up on mints or gum and when you meet up with her offer her some. If she declines you're going to either have to say something or decide her breath is a deal breaker. Or there's always sucking it up. Good luck!
Dearest KB,
ReplyDeleteI"m so sorry about your current situation. It is going to take a great deal of patience and understanding from all parties. Without speaking to your parents, all I can deduce is they have the same impression of "Riley" as they did of him in high school. Or they genuinely don't like him. But why? Have they expressed exactly what they don't like about him? Or have they given the response, "We just have a feeling." Well, feelings don't justify rude behavior. Or perhaps they can see something about him you don't. Be sure to let them know you'r not trying to accuse, but rather understand where they are coming from.
Now I'm going to need you to be really brave. You're going to need to sit both of them down and have an adult conversation with them. Pray before you do so to have the spirit with you to know what to say. Have them express their true feelings. Be clear and concise about how you feel about "Riley". And see if you can get them to give him another chance and really get to know who he is now (I'm sure he's matured a great deal since you two first dated). If you have any siblings or close relatives familiar with the situation become allies. They may not listen to you, but they may listen to someone not in the situation.
I know how important family is, but it is unfair they give you this ultimatum. Parents want what is best for their children and that should include their happiness. If you deep, down in your gut know you and "Riley" are meant to be then that is a decision your family should be supportive of. This may be your time to stand up and show everyone you are an adult.
I know it's scary, but you can do it hun. Take care and if there's a wedding I better get an invite :}