A lesson of value for us all:
OK. So to start out I have been in a lot of relationships and most of them last a long time. Now I don't like rushing relationships. I think that some of them need time to develop properly. So I hold off on the kiss or saying "I love you" till I think I really mean it but once this happens something changes dramatically in the relationship and I don't know how to fix it. Now I just started dating this wonderful man a couple months ago. I care about him so much. He's amazing and is a "Man" but still respectful. Now in the beginning I told him that a kiss means a lot to me and explained to him that I wanted it to be "right time" when we kissed because in the past something happens to the guys after the kiss and we start separating and I did not want that happening to us. He told me he respected my feelings. He was very patient and I finally felt like our relationship had developed enough to where I could kiss him and we wouldn't fall apart. So we kissed. As the week went by I started feeling different and I noticed I was distancing myself from him hard core. He told me he was getting mixed signals from me and didn't understand why... I tried to figure out what was going on and when I started acting different. And immediately I figured out that it was right after we had kissed... It wasn't the guys that changed after we kissed... It was me. I completely broke down because I realized I had been the one ruining all these relationships. It wasn't the guys, it wasn't this kiss. It was me. Something happens to me. But why? Why is it after I kiss each of them? Why is it almost immediately after we kiss? What am I doing?
Dearest Distanced,
While I can't pin point the exact underlying cause for your relationship departure I can tell you this much. 1) Congrats on figuring out the cause for your relationship dissolutions. 2) As cliche as it may be it sounds like you have some sort of fear of opening up and giving your heart away. I can relate, I know how hard it can be. As hard as it is, now is the time to sit down and really evaluate your life - what is holding you back? Are you scared of the end of the relationship and getting hurt? Are you afraid of getting too serious and not being ready for a commitment? This fear is crippling you from experiencing life, from feeling emotions that are good. Loving someone is easy, but letting them love you back is hard. You have to be honest and let them see you even if it means risking being judged. And if this "man" you speak of is as amazing as you think he is I'm sure he won't walk away because he sees something less than perfect.
Love hurts and it takes work, but loneliness is a feeling I wish on no one. When you are brave and open up your heart I promise you will have experiences that will make you grow and I know you won't regret it. Be brave dear and let yourself love and be loved :}
